writers

Overthinking?

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Today was spent mainly becoming more and more panicked as I delved deeper and deeper into my research of the ten agents I have decided to query. It is hard not to get frustrated reading all these interviews and seeing agents speak about the biggest mistake authors make is querying too early. Perhaps I am falling prey to this, but to me, my manuscript feels ready–my query letter, maybe not so much, but it is getting there! I wonder if I am doing my homework too much on all these agents; reading so many of their interviews makes it seem like they go into a query with a pessimistic attitude. Maybe this is scaring me off unnecessarily. So now not only am I toeing the line between too hopeful and too pessimistic, but I am additionally straddling the balance of being over-prepared and under-prepared. As a first time novelist, there is a lot of risk no matter who I query–by default, I can’t list an impressive inventory of published works and accolades. Querying soon feels right, because currently I am very passionate about my novel–maybe it’s time to listen to my gut feelings a little more, and give the jumble in my head a bit of a rest.

One thing is for sure, I need to give querying and researching agents a rest–particularly because I am heading to the Henderson Writers’ Group Conference in Las Vegas next weekend, and I need to focus on prepping for that! I am very excited about the opportunity to meet fellow writers, and get a chance to see the human side of some of these agents that are giving me so much anxiety right now. If anyone out there is heading to the conference next weekend, let me know, I would love to meet some kindred spirits!

#Overwhelmed

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Today I finally narrowed down the list of agents I want to query, and now as I begin to do more research on each one specifically, I am finding myself getting more overwhelmed and a little nervous. Seeing agents’ who have the likes of “Gone Girl” or “The Fault in Our Stars” under their published client belts makes one’s head spin. I find myself wondering “Do I really know what I am doing here?” The lead-up to actually submitting my queries and waiting to hear agents’ response is arguably more tense than it will be after I have submitted my first round as I am second guessing my own capabilities. I am very confident in the quality and marketability of the book I have written, but how will I feel after that first inevitable rejection letter? Will I still believe in my abilities as an author?

Conversely, I also am nervous about the possibility of success–like stepping off of a roller coaster or drinking too much coffee too quickly, the possibility of success is a major head rush. Obviously this is a better kind of overwhelming sensation than the fear of rejection, but it is just as intense. It would be surreal to accomplish this lifelong dream at such a young age. One thought is clear in my mind through all the spinning emotions–it is paramount to toe a delicate balance between fear of getting rejected and over-confidence at being accepted and published. I don’t want to get my hopes up, but I don’t want to cast aside all hopeful optimism either.

Maybe–scratch that, certainly–my writing won’t be for every agent, but that doesn’t mean I should lose confidence in it; at this point, with a polished manuscript, I need to remind myself that my job is relatively easy…just sit back and let the writing speak for itself.

First Draft Query Letter + A Glimpse at Capacitance

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Today I have spent a good chunk of time on AgentQuery.com, sifting through agents and slowly compiling a list of those agents I want to send my query letter to. I am going to narrow my list down to ten agents. It is a daunting task due to the extremely large volume of agents listed on the database site, and I am happy to have two definitively narrowed down after today! I have also been working on drafting my query letter, and I decided today to post the first two paragraphs of it–if any of my followers have any tips on this, please share as this is my first draft! Read ahead if you would like to see my first attempt at a query and also get a small preview of Capacitance!

Imagine a university very different from the ones in today’s society—a university where instead of doing keg stands and battling hangovers, students were engaged in top level, government sensitive projects or were members of secret high-stakes resistance organizations against those in power—enter the world of Capacitance where readers are introduced to Mara, a prodigy science student whose project in the field of genetic engineering is critically important to those in power; and Runey whose involvement in an underground resistance movement sends him on a mission to uncover the nature of Mara’s work, through whatever means necessary—even making her fall in love with him.

Capacitance, the first novel of a trilogy set in the dystopian future, is filled with themes of secrets, love and betrayal as it follows the stories of Mara—a stylish Science student whose intelligence has won her a place in the lavish life of society’s elite—and Runey—a shrewdly personable Design student whose dissatisfaction with society’s inequality led to his involvement in a government resistance organization. Their very different paths cross due to Runey’s mission, but the love that was supposed to be a farce, ignites between them in blazing reality. As Mara’s work unearths a problem which not only threatens the government, but also her life itself, Runey is also trying to uncover her secrets—while maintaining a few of his own. Throughout Capacitance, the characters tread a thin line between navigating the waters of young love and coming to terms with the sinister nature of the world they live in.

I am not entirely satisfied with this attempt, but I definitely like where it is going, and I am just relieved to have gotten the first draft hammered out–when I am dreading something I can drag my feet for ages before getting started, but when I finally do begin I always feel so much more optimistic! With that being said, I am off to write my next chapter of the next book in the trilogy, Inductance!

Minutiae

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Today I finished making the edits on the first draft of Capactiance, and am now in the process of going back into the computer file and making all the corrections I found on the hard copy. While editing on the hard copy was a great exercise as I actually read all the text I had written (and felt the triumphant glow of realizing that I really have written something halfway decent), entering these corrections into the digital copy is a less enjoyable step. It is a time-consuming task at best as the process of entering or omitting words and correcting grammar tends to get tedious after awhile. At one point, I found myself researching whether a specific type of wine (Merlot) should be capitalized; after half an hour of researching that one specific detail and still finding no cut and dry answer, I decided to leave the word the way it was (although that one minuscule detail will undoubtedly bother me and see me up late tonight in bed on my iPad attempting still more research to find the correct case). It is hard to feel like the whole day hasn’t been spent wasted since I am just entering onto the computer corrections my mind has already processed on the hard copy, but I know once I am done, I will feel a true sense of accomplishment. Even now, as I take a break to write this post, I feel little pride in my craft starting to glow in my weary mind–like a jewelry maker polishes a finished piece I too am finely honing my masterpiece. Each little detail that I perfect makes the novel as a whole all the more of a wonderful accomplishment, which makes agonizing over comma placement or struggling to untangle a mind-bendingly messy sentence a little more bearable.

A Different Perspective

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My Dad read my first novel chapter by chapter as I was writing it. It was really great to hear his encouraging feedback such as, “Just keep it up!” or (my favorite) “Your book is pretty good, Elise!” My dad is a very intelligent man, but a literary critic he is not. However, looking back, I think this was the perfect kind of feedback for me–it doesn’t influence my story or my writing style. It was especially perfect for the flow I had going for my first book–I just needed to get all that writing out there, and Dad’s feedback was perfect for that as it kept me going. Waiting for Dad to finish up another book he was currently reading as I began to compose chapters of the second novel, I began to get anxious to see how it read for the first time for a fresh reader. Finally, today he started it! And I was pleased to see that his critique capability is getting better–we actually had a conversation about the nuances of one of my main characters and how she is reacting to the major plot conflict in the story. I fully value both kinds of input my dad has given me; it is so nice to talk about your writing with someone who truly cares and who will give you an honest opinion. And, while I intend to fully remain true to the way my characters speak to me in my own mind, I appreciate hearing the way a fresh reader perceives the text–because that is truly who the book is for, the readers, and having feedback from a fresh reader along my writing journey is a great asset.

Action Adventures

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I’m getting into the flow of writing the second book of my trilogy, Inductance; I’m in “The Twin Towers” phase of my trilogy writing experience (for all my fellow Lord of the Rings fans out there). And I’m not sure how I feel about it. I have read enough fiction series in the process of inhaling books which I have been engaged in my entire life to know that a second book in a series has a certain tone about it–not just a tone, the volume is usually jam-packed with exciting events and plot escalations. I fell into the first step of sequel-ing easy enough–the subtle re-hashing and reminding readers of what happened at the end of the previous book while not being too didactic or repetitive–but the next step of really cramming in the action events might come a little less naturally to me. I really enjoyed the first book in the series flow that Capacitance had–the introduction of characters, the inclusion of many small details about characters and surrounding to set the tone and get readers acquainted with the new world I had created. However, now I am faced with the necessary task of ramping things up; the characters have been established and now it’s time to use the foundation I built in the first book. As I mentioned in a previous post, I am an author without a cut and dry plan, so this is why the action packed structure of the second book is slightly intimidating as it inevitably requires more structure. That being said, I am flowing pretty well into the second book (just about to wrap chapter seven tonight), so I just need to hold onto that confidence and perhaps use the need for building action as my own test to build on my skill at developing plots and challenge my usual method of “play it by ear” writing. Now, back to work on chapter 7; putting in these late nights to finish up a chapter is what makes the pages pile up!

AgentQuery.com: The Querying Author’s Bible

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Exciting news today: I finally got my synopsis trimmed down to size! It’s lean enough, in fact, that I can go back and add a little more detail, which is music to my ears after the painful, stripped down process of creating my synopsis. My most helpful source in looking up how to format a synopsis was AgentQuery.com. This is a fantastic website, not only because it includes a searchable database of literary agents who are currently accepting queries, but also because of its section containing specific guidelines on how to format those queries you will send off. From email queries to snail mail queries, AgentQuery has all the specific guidelines needed to make your submission most successful. Seriously, every little detail is discussed. When I wanted to know how to format my novel title in my synopsis, I went to the section on formatting a synopsis and quickly found my answer. I also discovered that a synopsis can be up to three pages long–which was the best news I have heard lately as my synopsis was stuck one paragraph long of two pages. Now I know that is actually an acceptable length–hooray! While I am still new to the whole process, AgentQuery has by far been the most valuable resource I have found. I have already spent a lot of time perusing the agents and reading the submission and query guidelines–the amount of instructions and knowledge on the site can be overwhelming, but I like to see this as a wealth of knowledge there for my benefit. I am glad to have these myriad resources at my fingertips whilst treading the unknown waters of gaining a literary agent. I know I will be using this resource daily, and I suggest anyone working on their own query or synopsis to check it out as well!

Community

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Today my baby blog is one week old, and even though everything is very fresh, I wanted to say thank you to my brand new followers who have liked, and even left comments on, my posts! As writers, we are different creatures than most–prone to tuck ourselves away in front of the computer writing or curled on the couch engrossed in yet another book. By default, writing is a lonely practice as it is a task one embarks on individually. This is why community, support and feedback is so important, and why I am so glad to get another avenue of that from my blog. When I first started seriously writing my novel, I reached out to two of my favorite former English professors from my alma mater who were published authors; it made me feel inspired and encouraged to start exchanging emails with them. I am excited to attend my first writing conference in two weeks in Las Vegas, where I am not only excited to personally connect with agents, but am also thrilled to have the opportunity to interact with more of my fellow writers! Once again, thanks to all the likes and follows so far on a constant chiaroscuro–stay posted for more on my conference prep and perhaps posting some writing samples from my novel!

Winging It

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If someone asked to see the outline I worked from when writing Capacitance, I would have nothing to show. There are those authors who work the story from back to front and those who work it from front to back–I am definitely a front to back type of writer. So front to back that I don’t really even know what the “back” is going to be. Of course, this kind of improvisational writing only works if  you are very confident in your characters and have a couple major plot events already in mind as you begin writing. For me, I knew there were a couple twists and turns I wanted to throw into Capacitance, and I just trusted the writing and inserted these events whenever the proper chapter came up. Thus, it came as a total shock to me when I actually finished my first book–I had no outline to tell me I was getting close, just a feeling that it was time to wrap up this first segment of the trilogy. That, and the fact that the word count was nearing 86,000. Not everyone can write like this, and I actually applaud and have some jealousy for those that do work from an outline as occasionally the extreme uncertainty and flexibility of where my story might go causes me stress. Now, moving into the next book, Inductance, I am totally in my improvisational element as the plot of the story gets thicker and thicker. I want to keep the story exciting, but I also want to stay true to my characters–I am constantly reminding myself who they are and what they personally would do or how they would react to a situation. I think it is this train of thought, concentration and focus on the characters as their own independent entities which helps me guide the story along; I find that I don’t need an outline, but rather by staying true to the characters I have created, they can lead the story to where it needs to be.

Necessary Distractions?

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Yesterday I took the day off. Out of my office, away from my computer, mini road trip kind of day off. It was nice to get out and enjoy the beautiful golden sunshine of a mellow spring day instead of cursing the piercing shaft of sunlight which always blazes through my office window directly into my retinas as I am trying to write; however, I found myself unable to fully relax the entire day. I felt a strange sense of guilt that I was not sitting at my computer, researching literary agents, practicing my query letters and–most importantly–writing another chapter in my second novel. The latter nagged on my mind the most–I’ve come to realize a certain irritability I take on when there is a chapter of my story sitting in my mind, waiting to be drawn out into words. This feeling can make going to the grocery store an even more tedious task, and can even cause regret at having to attend a social event that would, in most cases, be fun. For me, the feeling was most intense on my drive back home; the day was over, fun was had, but now I wanted more than anything to finish that chapter. It was like a compulsion in my brain while the rest of my body screamed with fatigue. It was very late when I got home and I sat down the days’ shopping spoils in my bedroom, fully intending to forge on into my office and hammer out the chapter, but then my french bulldog, Indy, jumped up on my bed and presented me with the saddest puppy dog eyed plead for sleep I had ever seen, and I relented. In the fresh light of this morning (yes, I am currently wearing a hat to shield my eyes from the eastward facing office window blaze at this moment), I am glad I waited to write my chapter; my brain is fresher after a night of sleep, and I am much more motivated to write now that I’ve had to wait a day. My challenge to myself is to enjoy those days off, savor those necessary distractions and come back to write with even more energy and determination.