Today I finally narrowed down the list of agents I want to query, and now as I begin to do more research on each one specifically, I am finding myself getting more overwhelmed and a little nervous. Seeing agents’ who have the likes of “Gone Girl” or “The Fault in Our Stars” under their published client belts makes one’s head spin. I find myself wondering “Do I really know what I am doing here?” The lead-up to actually submitting my queries and waiting to hear agents’ response is arguably more tense than it will be after I have submitted my first round as I am second guessing my own capabilities. I am very confident in the quality and marketability of the book I have written, but how will I feel after that first inevitable rejection letter? Will I still believe in my abilities as an author?
Conversely, I also am nervous about the possibility of success–like stepping off of a roller coaster or drinking too much coffee too quickly, the possibility of success is a major head rush. Obviously this is a better kind of overwhelming sensation than the fear of rejection, but it is just as intense. It would be surreal to accomplish this lifelong dream at such a young age. One thought is clear in my mind through all the spinning emotions–it is paramount to toe a delicate balance between fear of getting rejected and over-confidence at being accepted and published. I don’t want to get my hopes up, but I don’t want to cast aside all hopeful optimism either.
Maybe–scratch that, certainly–my writing won’t be for every agent, but that doesn’t mean I should lose confidence in it; at this point, with a polished manuscript, I need to remind myself that my job is relatively easy…just sit back and let the writing speak for itself.